Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
