K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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