I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
