WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
