thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
