My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dicks are not precious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
