just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
