when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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