My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
