that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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