Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
