Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
