we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
