so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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