Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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