Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
