his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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