I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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