I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
