Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
