Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
