erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
