Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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