Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
