Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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