So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
