is your mom at the bar?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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