She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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