The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
