she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
