No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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