That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
