I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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