My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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