connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
