I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
