just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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