If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
