i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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