why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
