it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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