i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
