I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
