I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When are your genitals available?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
