Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
