It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
