I'm going to jail i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
