Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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