So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
