my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
