what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
