I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
