I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
