sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
